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Choosing your Maid of Honor isn’t as simple as it looks. Nowhere else in your wedding planning is it easier for vexing problems to turn up! Why? Because the Maid of Honor’s duties are often vaguely defined, and worse, poorly communicated.

In fact, every bride has her own unique idea of what a Maid of Honor should be. Which is fine - the trick is in communicating those ideas!

So what does a Maid of Honor do? On one end of the spectrum, she’s a ceremonial figure who steps off the plane and walks down the aisle before the other bridesmaids.

On the other, she’s a master of precognition who soothes your nerves before you know you’re frazzled, helps you send out your invites, “manages” the bridesmaids, spreads the word on your registry, and offers up her thoughts on everything from the venue to the dress.

Most often, the Maid of Honor is somewhere in the middle. She leads the bachelorette party and/or bridal shower, and tries to “be there” for the bride during the planning process, and the ceremony itself.

All this flexibility leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings. And they happen a lot. The world is full of brides who feel hurt and let down by close friends as the big day draws near. Do you want to be one of them? Of course not!

So here are some tips on choosing - and communicating with - your Maid of Honor for minimum stress, and maximum happiness.

1) Define what you really want.

Are you a do-it-yourself bride, or do you want your Maid of Honor to be your right hand all the way through?

If you’re high-maintenance, accept and acknowledge it.

Pick someone who can truly be there for you, and let them know exactly what you want. If you don’t know anyone with that much time or energy to give, think about finding help elsewhere. Is your fiance an active participant? Can your mother do more? Maids of Honor are not supposed to be wedding co-planners … unless they really, really want to be!

2) Tell her what you really want.

More than one bride has shed tears because a Maid of Honor couldn’t read her mind. For example: many brides wish their Maids of Honor could give a little speech at the reception, but never get around to asking them. If it’s important to you, talk about it!

3) It doesn’t have to be family.

Never feel you “have to” make a sister or other family your Maid of Honor. If your best friend’s a loyal trooper who goes with you on all the errands, choose her. She deserves it.

4) Pick someone local if you need a lot of help.

No one can do much from 3000 miles away, no matter how badly she wants to.

5) Be realistic; look at past performance.

Weddings are exciting. People are human. When everything’s new and you’ve just announced your plans, lots of people will offer to help. But not everyone will manage to follow through.

Who came through for you before the wedding? Who actually managed to rearrange their schedules to be with you, even when inconvenient? These are the people to rely on. No matter how exciting your plans, they won’t make an overcommitted person more available to you. Avoid the trap of asking such a person because you think your wedding will be “important enough” for them to “change their ways,” and you’ll avoid all the stress and hardship of a disappointing Maid of Honor.

6) Be realistic; look at her life ahead.

No matter what a treasure your Maid of Honor is, she has limits, too. Is she expecting a new baby? Is she working through a divorce? If these things slow her down, which they probably will, can you pick up the slack without feeling disappointed?

7) Consider more than one Maid of Honor if you just can’t decide.

But keep in mind, this can cause problems too. Can your Maids of Honor divide responsibilities, communicate well and avoid feelings of jealousy?

Now that you’ve chosen, honor your Maid of Honor with a little sign of how special she is to you. Take her out to a day spa, or go together to have your hair done before the ceremony. Pick out a dress for her that’s a different color from the other bridesmaids, or order her a bouquet with some special touches. She deserves it!

Follow these tips, and you’ll be the bride who spends that all-important day surrounded by loving, warm friends at their ease. What more could you ask for?

Blake Kritzberg is editor of FavorIdeas. Stop by for continually-updated celebrity
wedding news, remarkable beach wedding favors, exclusive hairstyling articles and gorgeous and unique wedding favors.

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The Power Of Being A Woman

The American Poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “What lies behind us and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Little did he know that his quote would sum up the past, present and future of women. He also didn’t know that women would emerge as powerful pillars of society. It wasn’t until the 20th century that American women were allowed to vote and it took even longer until they could say no to sex in their marriages. What lies behind us is the history of women, who paved the way to liberation.

What lies before us is the most meaningful time ever for women. What lies within us is the power to continue this feminine revolution. The once considered submissive female gender is rising to the top. Today women have assumed the roles of CEOs, litigation lawyers and senators. Women earn four out of every 10 law degrees and almost that many medical degrees. They have become activists against violence and proponents of human rights. Their worth has become defined by their accomplishments and ability to make a difference.

Today women seek validation as complete human beings. Along the way they have learned to master remote controls, change tires and file income tax returns. They know how to shop for bargains and still splurge on Godiva chocolates. They cry over romantic movies and get a thrill from the X-files. They are touched by the sight of babies and outraged at violence. When making love they like to be on the top, in charge of their own fulfillment.

Yet, taxis still stop for us, men still open the doors for us and firefighters will rescue us first. We don’t have to pay when we go on dates. We can go after what we want without being afraid to ask for help. We can say what we mean, without being mean when we say it. We can walk in the shoes of others, without losing direction. Best of all, we know how to solve our problems by simply eating chocolate.

There are more fashion stores for women than there are for men. Entire cosmetic departments, loaded with stuff to make us look and smell pretty, are created just for us. Our underwear, enriched with lace and rhinestones, is fortified with silicone inserts and airlifts. It doesn’t get any better than that. Our options and power are endless and here is some data to support that:
- By 2010, women are expected to control $1 trillion, or 60 percent, of the country’s wealth - BusinessWeek and Gallup.
- Women purchase or influence the purchase of 80 percent of all consumer goods.
This is just the beginning! On a competence level we have what it takes to grab the world by the tail. Women are natural at multi-tasking. They talk on the phone, while cooking dinner, shave their legs while applying eye-makeup and run a corporation while managing a household. Women have compassion like no other species and never tire of listening to problems. They have the courage to find solutions when others give up. Equipped with great intuition they know right from wrong without consulting an expert.

Women are great communicators connecting easily with people. They are resilient in the face of adversity and are networking pros reaching out for support. Instead of hoarding information, women freely share with others. They are emotionally tuned-in and have the gift of expressing it.

Women have the courage to be honest and outspoken. When dealing with stress, women can have a pedicure or go shopping. Best of all, women don’t need to compete with men to be successful. They can stand on their own, or be united to reach goals. Femininity is personal power and at no other time in history has society been so touched by the power of women.

While many women may still be judged by the shape of their legs, corporations are zooming in on feminine traits. With a new female leadership style emerging, women are hired into positions of power because of their skills and femininity. Obviously, many companies believe that the best man for the job is still a woman. Society has finally concluded that the lack of female energy is the reason for most problems in our world.

Women have what it takes to create a more peaceful world of human equality. Our time has come to capitalize on our feminine traits and the warmth of our hearts to rock the world. No matter what background, religion or race we come from, we don’t need to look outside for validation. Our strength lies within. The world needs us. It needs our courage to forge ahead, our intuition to discern, our passion for humanity and our wisdom to see the big picture. Women must stand united in their feminine spirit to bring about global changes. There is nothing quite like women with a purpose, who rise to the occasion.

Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website http://www.fit2love.com and take the Fit 2 Love test.

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